I feel so helpless and pathetic sometimes...
[Case in point: A flat tire incident in the past 24-30 hours, during which I was completely reliant on others to 1. tell me I had a flat (I don't even know when it happened, and may very well have already driven on it that way for quite a while, for all I know...) 2. assess (well, okay, I guess I actually could see myself that it was a flat tire... yay, points for me!

), 3. attempt a solution, and 4. re-assess (cuz I was wrong in
my assessment (cancel my points..

)! Who knew it wasn't "just a flat tire" like any other flat tire?), 5. re-re-assess (yes, re-assessing again!), 6. find the solution that worked, and 7. take me from place to place while I didn't have use of my car.]
...and the Lord surrounds
me again with human reminders of His humility, grace, and selflessness. It's almost too much to take somehow! How can I process this feeling of helplessness and needing a rescuer? And why does this so clearly seem to be presenting me with a picture of Christ and how I ought to feel toward Him as my totally selfless sin-debt payer. Physical situations can place me in spots where I don't know what to offer to adequately convey my real gratitude and recognition of the selfless services that are paid me. It doesn't seem right to simply be the recipient and walk away, but what can I do? Money is often a first thought, but how cheap and meaningless it seems--and at times, to a friend, even insulting perhaps. How would it be if I responded to Christ's sacrifice by putting some money in the offering and called it good? Christ wasn't doing it for money (and no amount of money could ever begin to repay Him)! Friends don't serve and help for money, either. As a friend myself who occasionally--I say occasionally because I don't see myself as one partiularly strong in the areas of service, selflessness, and humility--helps out someone else, I know that I don't mind at all if the friend doesn't hand me money after a service rendered, and I wouldn't feel right about taking it if he or she did. But what
is the right response? As the giver, in those occasional instances where God grants me a moment of freedom from thought of self, I don't desire anything in return. The joy of serving comes from knowing I am growing to be more like my Savior.
Still, this doesn't seem to answer the question of what is an appropriate response in physical situations of neediness being met with selfless service and assistance. And just because a person may not want money, does that mean we shouldn't do anything? Does it mean we should just skip the offering plate and give God nothing? What does God desire more than anything else? He doesn't
need our money--everything is already His. I'm not saying as believers we shouldn't still be obedient in the giving of our tithes and offerings, but it seems our thanks should go so much deeper than that. What did He do for us? He poured out Himself, gave all of Himself and kept none for His own well-being. How
could He have afforded even a thought for Himself and still gone through what He did? No, He was looking at us and thinking of our helpless state, thinking of His Father's will and desire--determining to be completely obedient to Him. "But He's God," we might argue, "He couldn't have quit if He had wanted to, because God is perfect and without sin." God is perfect, but Jesus still had a choice, and the Bible says He was tempted in every way that we are. Temptation, by definition, is not easy to resist. Perhaps simple (not complicated), but not easy. Jesus went against His own well-being (humanly-speaking), or "died to Himself"--quite literally, even physically in His case--setting aside His own human interest and considering our best interest instead of that of His own flesh.
So He was selfless... What is our appropriate response? "Take up your cross, and follow me." "Okay, but what does
that mean??" Well, it means do what He did! Give up my whole self, die to my own interests, and return His holy--i.e. unique, divine, something so incredible that nothing else could ever compare to it--favor by living for His interests in place of my own. And this is day-by-day, moment-to-moment, just like it was for Jesus. As God, He could have succumbed to His fleshly desires and the pull of selfish thoughts, and decided life on earth was too much. Too much pain, too much heartache, too many people who hated him, too many others who didn't have a clue about Him, and still others who spent every day with Him and still couldn't seem to get it through their heads, or into their hearts for that matter, who He was, what He was all about, and why He was even there.
Lord, I find myself relating quite well to that last group of people. Not only am I often fearful and helpless, but I am so slow to grasp with my heart the truth and significance of things I've known in my head for years. How patient You are with me, Lord! I get disgusted with my own inadequacies, failures, and the way I constantly exhibit evidence of my fallenness, despite my attempts in my pride to hide it all and portray myself as good, and as loving You with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength as I should. But really, who am I fooling anyway? People are by nature quick to judge, and it's not usually as difficult as we think it is to see through a facade and identify hypocrisy. So why expend the energy to demonstrate religiosity? Is religiosity worth the effort? You're welcome to answer for yourself, but I say no. (Again, my head is still quicker than my heart, which will no doubt take much longer to comprehend even what I myself am saying now.) How religious is it, after all, to accept a gift or service from a friend, and then flat out refuse to help them in their own time of need? And then how much worse when Someone has given far more precious a gift--His very life, put to death--to confess with our lips that we owe Him and then refuse Him the thing He wants--ourselves!! He made His decisions in obedience to the Father and on our behalf, and we make our decisions based on... our wants. Even if we only want to be religious, that doesn't cut it. Works-based Christianity won't work (and is in fact, not Christianity at all), and the
only other option is grace-based Christianity, which insists that Christ is Lord and we are sinful and desperate in our helplessness and need for forgiveness and salvation.
Frankly, I don't like it. It's too humbling. But it would be idiotic to choose any other way. So, may I continually choose to die to self and live only for Him Who died for me.
By the way, the real fix took only a few minutes and $15!! Wow... God is so good, He makes me chuckle. :)
Oh, and P.S. Here's a shout-out to friends Rebecca, David, Jeff, and Kristal, who went out of their way unselfishly to help me in my distressful situation and helplessness. Thank you, thank you, thank you, and thank you... a LOT!